How Do you Know You are in Love with him/her ? or Am I in Love? – this can be a real serious question if you are experiencing such situation for the first time. Like, love and infatuation are three states of mind, and share some common symptoms, which makes it difficult to distinguish love from mere liking or infatuation at the initial level. And for that, it requires special observation of one’s own self to be precisely sure that s/he is really in love. Because failing in understanding own feelings and emotion, in this case, will surely bring frustration and heartbreak.
It may be difficult but not impossible. Your natural instinct will help you know when you are in love. You will need no one’s help here. Take your time, observe yourself properly remaining unbiased, try to understand your own feelings, ask your heart again and again. If you are getting positive response repeatedly from every angle, then yes, you are in love.
Now here are some real questions for you. Go through them, analyze your answers. If you keep yourself honest and unbiased, the answers of these questions might help you reach one or more steps ahead in drawing a conclusion about your feelings.
So, Am I In Love? or How Do You Know You’re in Love with Someone?
In my opinion, you need to ask yourself a real question:
- What are you realistically willing to give up for this person?
Remember, It’s easy to say you’d do anything for someone. It’s easy to say you’d sacrifice time and resources, but
- What about sacrificing what you want?
- What if the person you love doesn’t want to have sex?
- Are you willing to postpone it and not pressure them?
- What if they want to live a simple life and give away much of their income?
- Are you willing to forego many pleasantries and luxuries for them?
We tend to think about sacrifices being things we are okay with but not thrilled about giving up. Sacrifice means a lot more than that, and love requires both people to give and take.
In addition, other things may complicate the situation further, and you need to be aware of what you may need to sacrifice in order to be with them.
- Am I willingly ready to sacrifice anything needed for him/her?
- Am I confident or courageous enough to do so?”
- Is there even a bit hesitation in myself while thinking of the answers of the first two questions?
If you get “confident YES” as answers for the first two questions and a “strong NO” for the third one, then yours one is the real thing, a true love.
There are again some common symptoms of love frequently told by people. But remember, these are not science, and things are not always all the same for every person, for every situation. Let’s go through them…
Some Common Symptoms of Love
There is no hard and fast rules for being confirmed that you are in love. But while observing yourself, your feelings and emotion, try to match the following things from the list which contains some common symptoms or signs experiencing by different people when they are in love.
S/he becomes the most beautiful and charming person in your eye and you just stop looking at other women/men as much.
You’ll do whatever it takes to impress him/her. If you know you are going to meet her/him in anyway, you take extra time and effort to make yourself look good while getting ready. A common activity is ” standing in front of looking glass and looking at yourself from different angles to make sure that you are looking good”.
Without any reason you become very jolly, express your happiness to your family members.
You start listening romantic songs aggressively. Sometimes you listen to them by turning off the light and start to think that you are the hero of this song and she is your heroine.
It becomes very difficult for you to stop thinking about her. You find yourself fantasizing about a beautiful future life and S/he’s in it.
Without any reason, you smile to yourself and look around to see nobody witnessing it.
You stop hanging out with your best friends as you want to be with him/her all the time.
You start avoiding phone calls of your friends or stop receiving a phone call on your mobile .Because you are expecting a call from her or him and you do not want him or her to hear an engaged tone. When s/he calls and you see his/her name on the mobile display, you just get excited and make a silent smile. When you say “Hello”, you make an effort to hide all your excitement as if his or her number is not even stored in your mobile.
Whenever you come to know that s/he is going be at some place, you go there and pretend as if you knew nothing.
You start to have some weird feelings in your stomach when you see him/her.
You gift her/him on her/his birthday something that s/he casually talked about almost 6 months back.
You want to share your cute childhood photos with her.
You enjoy spending time with him/her. When you’re with him/her, you deliberately walk really slow so you two can have more time together.
Whenever you heard her/his name, you become attentive and if someone makes good comments about him/her, you feel so good.
S/he become your main concern and other priorities take a backseat. You start caring about him/her, and you are ready to make compromise any unpleasant issue with him/her.
You can’t wait to share the good news with him/her.
Whenever you are appreciated for any reason by anyone, you wish her/him to stay in front on such moments.
You try hard to become a better person and to throw away the habits that s/he does not like. You’ve forgotten your ex-GF/ex-wife if any. You feel great chemistry toward him/her.
You start searching his/her social profile on online and reload them to know whether s/he is online or not. You monitor his/her profile regularly only to know how s/he is thinking/feeling, whether s/he is talking about you either directly or indirectly.
You become jealous if s/he takes any picture with his/her friends, especially if such friend is his/her opposite gender.It becomes worse when you see that any friend of opposite gender has made any comments saying.. “you are beautiful”, “I miss you” etc. Have I missed anything?
Hope the above-mentioned questions and symptoms surely help you question your heart and observe your feelings finding out your true emotions, to be whether you are truly in love.
But, it’s true, sometimes such situations arise when the understanding of own heart does not solve the problem, rather ‘I am truly in love’ makes the situation worse. Then some more complex questions come into mind:”What should I do now? Should I tell him or her or not. ?” The question or hesitation to express love arises because of the complicated nature of a relationship.
Suppose, you are in love with your best friend, or with someone who has already a boyfriend or girlfriend or married to another person.
Then? What Should I do If it’s a Complicated One?
Actually, things are not always easy or straight especially if it is about love. There might be millions of reasons behind fall in love. and chances that you don’t know for which reason you will fall /have fallen in love. However, there are some advises for those who are with a complicated relationship.
What if I’m in love with my best friend?
In a lot of ways, this can be a very positive thing. A best friend is someone you know well and care about greatly. Many of the skills needed to have a sustainable relationship are gained through a close friendship. However, it does not mean it will be easy.
The very first hard question come to one’s mind is “Should I reveal my emotions? Will it be wise to tell him/her?” In fact, one who has fallen in love with his/her best friend has the fear that revealing the feelings might ruin the existing friendship if the other one does not reciprocate with his/her feelings.
When such is the situation, to conceal own feelings can never solve the problem. Firstly you can leave some indirect hints for him/her, and closely observe the reaction. But nothing is more beneficial than an open conversation. Talk to your friend about your feelings, let him/her know how much s/he and your relationship mean to you. But be promised to yourself, whatever the response will be from the other side, you will accept it with great respect.
Things are not easy too if you get positive response. While you love your friend as a best friend, being in a romantic relationship will change your relationship. The dynamics you two have will become different. It’s not a bad thing, but it is something you both need to be aware of and discuss beforehand and as it changes.
Things will get complicated as the dynamics change. You’ll see your friend in a new light. The two of you will probably be spending more time together. You need to have open communication. You need to be honest. This is something new for both of you, and while nothing worth doing is easy, it can be very rewarding if you both put forth the effort.
What if I’m in love with my best friend and he/she doesn’t feel the same way?
Are you sure they don’t feel the same way? You feeling that way might be a surprise to them, so don’t completely rule out the idea that they may not be on board with the idea.
If you’re not sure if they would be receptive to the idea of being in a relationship with you, drop hints or discuss the dynamics of friendships to relationships with them. Do it in a way that fits your friendship and your personality. Don’t do it like you’ve seen others do it. Do it like you would do it.
If you know they don’t want you or if they have a significant other, then simply stop. Nurturing those feelings for them will only make it more difficult. Moving on is the right thing to do. Again, if it is not mutual, it is not love.
But do not stop communicating. Definitely, it will be difficult for you, but it will help you not to lose him/her as a best friend.
What if you’re in love with someone who has a girlfriend or boyfriend?
While your feelings might be strong, know that the best thing you can do is not pursue that person. They’ve made a choice, and it isn’t you. If you do care about them, then you need to respect their choice. It’s not easy, but it is what you should do.
If they are in an abusive relationship, then you can try to help them escape it, but do not do it to gain their affection in a romantic way.
What if I am a married woman and I am falling in love with another younger man?
Love is about trust and giving and commitment. If you’re in a position where you are cheating on your spouse, you are in the wrong. If the relationship with your spouse has to end, then make sure it is completely and officially over before you start a new relationship.
In love with my best friend but s/he’s gay or Lesbian?
Respect is important here. If you’re straight and a gay friend told you he or she had a crush on you, even though you’ve made your sexual preference very clear, how would that make you feel?
If you think they might consider you, you could always drop the line “If you were straight, I’d date you.” If they don’t reciprocate with whatever you say, then respect their choice and move on.
What to do if I am in love with my teacher?
If you’re an adult who likes his or her teacher, then you can talk with your teacher and feel the situation out. However, wait until you pass the class before informing your teacher about your feelings.
Having a relationship with a student can be problematic for teachers, and they have enough stress as it is. If you love your teacher, do them a favor and wait until you can say something that won’t potentially get them in trouble.
If you’re a younger student who is in love with an adult teacher, and you’re eighteen or older, think a lot about it before saying anything (after you pass the class). While age is not everything, it is important to know there will be a lot of trails you will face when there is a significant age gap.
If you’re under eighteen, don’t pursue your teacher. Just don’t.
What if I have feelings for a family member (step sister/brother, cousin, etc.)?
Stop. Whatever you are feeling should not be nurtured. Family is family, and you need to not dwell in those thoughts.
Complications can be difficult, but they can also forge a great bond between two people. Tough circumstances really can bring people together, so don’t let a rocky start stunt a relationship’s growth. If you stay honest and open, you may find it worth weathering the storm.
To draw the concluding words, I just want to emphasize, it’s only you who can understand best whether you are in love or not. Just try to be very careful while reading what your heart is really saying since the decision is a real crucial for your life. No matter what situation you find yourself in, remember that love is always a two-way street. If only one person feels a certain way, then it is not love.
If you are one who have already passed the stage, please do share your experience with us. How did you understand that you were in love? Your experience can greatly help others decide the answer of this crucial question, ‘Am I in love?’